so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
