mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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