I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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