My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
