When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
