I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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