I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
