the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think my tv is drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
