he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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