i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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