We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
