First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
