maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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