Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
