Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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