sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
