I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
