She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
