I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
