OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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