dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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