i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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