I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Randomize
