Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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