Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
