a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
