i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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