Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
