Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
