I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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