When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize