apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
