let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
