i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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