I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
