She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
