Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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