You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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