Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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