are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I am one with the molecules
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
