If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
