The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
