They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
