Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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