Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
