All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
