Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
