Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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