No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
