A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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