Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize