Non-Jews are for practice
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize