Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
