i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
