im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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