You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
