Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
