So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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