You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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