the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
