The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
