i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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