I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
