I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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