Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
