I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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